The Two Act Play

ACT 1: Friday June 6th 2014

Scene 1: This day started out like any other -- waking up at too late an hour, dragging myself to get ready for the day, eating yogurt for breakfast at lunch time, and then eating lunch five minutes later. I spent a while working on a new drawing from one of my favorite movies, Silver Linings Playbook. It was my first time experimenting with Koi Coloring Brush Pens, and I think (I hope) I was pretty successful.

Scene 2: Immediately after I finished the drawing, I headed off to Berkeley via BART to meet up with Grace for our Friday adventure in SF. The BART ride to the city included my first cronut, the constant battle with iPhone battery draining and all-over-the-place conversation.

Scene 3: Although the public transportation portion of the trip was simple, the supposed 8 minute walk to the venue took much longer. Exiting the station was confusing in itself, and we ended up going in a circle, running across crosswalks with only 2 seconds left on the light. If that weren't enough, we got distracted as always in random stores, spending the most time at Therapy -- and of course, pointing out every single dog we saw on the street.

After about half an hour, we finally arrived at the venue.

Scene 4: I think when I bought the tickets to this show, it was just one of those "let's go just to go" purchases. I know Grace is a fan, so I definitely knew she would love to go. And choosing the right company to be with makes everything better. To be honest, I don't really listen to MAX that much -- in fact I only know one of his original songs. He's just a person I can very easily acknowledge is talented, and his voice is quite enjoyable, especially in his covers. He's not that hard to look at either, I guess. I didn't even know who the other performer was, but after she hit her the first note of the night, I knew she was well worth the trip to the city. I went into it thinking, "Alexz is just a girl that I should probably record for Rosemarie," but now I can really appreciate her work. 

The Chapel is actually a pretty nice venue. They had standing room on the second floor, which was something I hadn't seen before. What I thought was weird, though, was that they had tables and chairs  in the middle of the floor? There honestly weren't that many people there, and everyone was pretty chill, except for one young girl who seemed to be having an emotional breakdown at the sight of Max Schneider.

Their security kicked us out pretty promptly after the set ended, which was unexpected, as it was only about 10PM.

Scene 5: It was really busy on Valencia Street, maybe even busier at night than it was four hours earlier: people walking everywhere, restaurant chefs grilling dishes outside and... just people. The trip back was much smoother than the one getting there. [not really] There was a structural fire at San Leandro, which threatened our safe ride home. However, it was partially a false alarm, and the conductor assured us he would take the train all the way to Fremont. As we passed by San Leandro, the voice on the intercom told us to take a look at "the light show on our left." Directly out the window were flashing lights of at least 10 or 15 firetrucks and a handful of police cars, which was really exciting to me due to my new fascination with first responders. We ended the night with Jack in the Box, and promptly made our way back home. All in all, it was a good night with good company, good music and a little bit of drama.

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ACT 2: Saturday June 7th 2014

Scene 1: Finally got to see Devika again -- it had been way too long. We had a late lunch at a new custom pizza place called Blaze; they just opened and were having a free pizza per person day. [It's pretty much just a Pieology with a little less flavor, but I'm sure they're healthier.] The line wasn't too unbearable though, and they even handed out some samples of their lemonades while we waited.

Scene 2: After we finished eating, we still had about an hour to kill so we wandered around Party City, pointing out random things and questioning why certain things even exist. It's amazing how much stuff that store has and how useless some of their products are [like seriously, who still wears those shutter shades?] It's always fun to just wander. [Also bye because when we got home she learned to penny in like 2 minutes.]

Scene 3: Soon 5:00 rolled around, and it was time to start the hour long drive to Concord for another show. I was supposed to go with both my parents, but my dad wasn't feeling to well, so it was just my mom. It's a family affair, going to see One Republic. We've seen them two times before in 2008 and 2010, but this was the first One Republic headliner. [Why is there a 4 year gap between this show and the last show? This is ridiculous.] We were a little early getting to Concord, so we stopped by Five Guys to grab a bite. The sad thing is, we took too much time eating and parking that we completely missed American Authors' set, which left me nothing but disappointed, since I just recently got invested in their music. We were only able to catch maybe the last 10 seconds of "Best Day of My Life," and I snapped a photo of their banner before they took it down.

Waiting for the next act allowed me to realize how impressive the Concord Pavilion is -- their seats are so comfortable, and that makes up for the long drive to the venue. This was the first time that I kind of didn't want to get up from the chair during a show. Location-wise, the seats we got were pretty damn decent [bless my ticket purchasing skills] -- in the lower section, almost in the middle.

Scene 4: I wasn't expecting much from The Script, since I didn't think I knew many of their songs. They exceeded any and every thought I had about them during their set -- it was the most interactive set that I have ever experienced. Danny O'Donoghue ran through the crowd multiple times, all the way up to the lawn seats and back down again. He asked for a fan to let him call their ex-boyfriend [who was conveniently labeled as "Motha Fucker" in her contacts] so he could sing "Nothing" to him through the phone. In the end, it turns out that I actually do know a handful of their hits; I just had never known they were their songs. [He reps his country pretty hard.]

Scene 5: One Republic. I'm not even sure I have the right words to describe One Republic. They keep getting better and better every time I see them, and I'm not sure they can top this one next time. Their stage lights and set up were really interesting and I particularly enjoyed their opening number, "Light It Up," during which the band's shadows were projected onto a large banner that hung across the entirety of the stage.

Ryan Tedder gave a really touching intro to "Something I Need." He mentioned how he is a troubled sleeper, and the day after he turned 30, he woke up to realize that a third of his life was over, but he opened his eyes and saw his wife sleeping there. That's what made him feel alright. And thus, "If you only die once, at least I'm gonna die with her, and we're gonna die together, and in some twisted way, that's kinda cool."

Surprise: They did a medley of "Apologize" and MAGIC!'s "Rude."

One of my favorite performances of the night was "Preacher." During the set, Ryan played with the light bulbs that hung from the ceiling, swinging them from side to side. From where I was sitting, it looked like he was just delicately playing with stars.

Zach Filkins had a 2 minute guitar solo and I almost cried because it was so beautiful.

After their short goodbye, One Republic came back for another appearance in response to a loud standing ovation.  They performed a cover of Louis Armstrong's "What A Wonderful World" where Ryan's high notes and intricate embellishments on this song really showcased his technical skills and his emotional conveyance. He truly is a great performer in all aspects.

We all knew the end was near, but during this time, Ryan assured us that the next time they'll be back, they'll have a new album and also be even better looking than they are now. Their final song of the night was their newest single, "Love Runs Out." Many of my favorite pictures of the night were taken during this song, I think within a ten second time frame. 

Can't wait for their new music and to see them again in a couple years [and not another 4, jesus christ  (*whispers* superstar)].

Tidbits:

• Two concerts in a row is such a treat. 
• Do you get it? Play? Like press play? Because music? But also two act play? Because a play with two acts? It has two parts? Like two concerts? But also two days? And also scenes? Because scenes in an act? [But also I had a scene phase?] Also because I had seen 2 shows? And they played music? Because they're in a play? Play? Two? Act? Any questions?
• Can you imagine if Jumbo had his body, but my face?
• Why are tea infusers like $16? It's literally a tiny plastic container with holes.
• If you can't decide on what shirt to get at a show, get all of them.
• Five Guys was meh. Would not go again.
• Note to self: never be late to a concert.
• At a show, great zoom is everything.
• I really want to bungee jump, and I hope we have time when we're in Hong Kong next month.
• Can't believe I'm only now hearing about footgolf...I've been missing out.
• Hopefully seeing Ed Sheeran with the family in August.
• There's so many reasons to:

Chasing Sunsets

This summer has been good to me so far.

Today I hung out with Lucy, which gave us time to catch up and experience some good food. It's always a good time with her, and I always look forward to seeing her. We made a trip to Off the Grid in Sunnyvale for the first time, where we struggled to decide what we wanted to try, but we settled on pulled pork sliders, Thai iced tea and sweet potato fries topped with chicken tikka masala. Jokes were exchanged, creepy photos were taken, and dogs were admired from a distance.

Walking around aimlessly in Sports Basement really reminded me how much I miss playing sports. I truly do miss soccer, and I wish I continued playing when I was younger... if only my knee could be 100% again. And basketball... I miss my teammates, I miss my friends, I miss the competitive spirit. Volleyball, tennis, baseball and football. Although I never played these competitively, they're so enjoyable with the right group of people. I mean, it doesn't have to be much, but y'know, just kicking the ball around, shooting some hoops, or throwing a football back and forth. I will get back into it this summer -- it gives me so much joy and such a sense of accomplishment and it makes me wonder why I ever dared to stop.

A hula chick, Obama and Jesus accompanied us in the car.

Whenever I drive home in the late afternoon, or near nighttime, I always point out the sunset to whoever is in the car with me, or when I'm alone then to myself. However, I've never really took the time to really appreciate the beauty. When we saw the sunset on the way up the hill, Lucy stopped the car, parked near the side of the road, we got out and sprinted toward the edge, as close to the sun as we could get. When we got there, the sun may have set, but the view was still stunning. These are the moments that I want to start living for. Not the pressures, the grades, the constant expectations, but the spontaneous, the beautiful, the carefree and most importantly, the ones with friends.

I'm honestly so glad and so thankful that our friendship is still so strong even though we may not talk or text as much as we used to. It's so comforting to know that no matter how long it's been, we can always talk as if that time apart didn't exist. I'm thankful for her and inspired by her in so many ways I can't even begin to explain.

Can't wait for our next adventure.

Tidbits:

• "NO, NO, NO...."
• I'm a pretty bad storyteller, like, how have I even gotten this far in life?
• "What kind of parent do you want to be?"
• The Adam Levine collection gives me joy.

• Jumbo in a convertible. 

• Jumbo wanting to Skype.

• Good movie times with the parents. This week we watched X-Men, We're the Millers, and Lone Survivor. X-Men and Lone Survivor definitely exceeded my expectations. I would watch either of them again in a heartbeat. [However, I would not recommend watching We're the Millers with your parents if they're not cool with dick jokes]
• Been walking two miles after dinner most days with either my mom or both my parents. Enjoying the views.

• Plain yogurt + almond butter + blueberries is the best combination I've concocted. 
• Redoing my wall is a little stressful and I don't know where to start. I bought small laser-cut frames and I know I want to frame some new artwork, but I haven't decided what to paint or draw yet. I'm really digging animal skulls right now, but I feel like that might make me sad if I wake up to them. Perhaps drawings of movie stills and quotes would be a better choice.

• Working on handstands is fun and rewarding. Up to 1 minute straight now, followed by several 30 second sets.
• Got a Healthy Back/Back Anatomy book from Costco, and I love reading it. I need to start working on my own physical health.
• I guess Bread Gloves are pretty cool.
• Can't wait for more kids to start coming back from college.
• Looking forward to hike more, to play some volleyball+basketball and to go rock climbing.

"You ARE a science person."

One of my favorite teachers once said, "You are a science person." There are many types of sciences and even if you did not like what you've learned about science so far, you are bound to have an affinity for at least one type of science out there. I love physics. And I love life science, just for the animals. This applies to a lot of things, not just science, which is something I have to remind myself sometimes. Never say you hate something right off the bat [lol bat... because life science] because there is so much you might not know about it.

Visual summary of the adventure to California Academy of Sciences with chrse:

• lol look at this frog it looks like a sculpture. He didn't blink at all. I'm going to name him Theodore.

• This penguin kept swimming into the glass like he was trying to escape. You go penguin, you go. If you believe you can achieve. I'm naming him Bartholomew.

• So many skulls.

• View from the living roof.

•  That's a painting in the back. #bye

• Chillin'. His new name is Phillip.

• Commence my lightweight frog addiction. 
• This orange one is Felix.

• This is Gregory.

• Here are the twins, Herman and Heidi.

• And this last little froggy is Marshall.

• Jellies and chrse with jellies.

• Reality check while getting home.

• New shoe rack & the new place to put keys and purses when coming home.

•  Ended the day with green juice.

Tidbits:

• Left the house at 8AM and got back at 8:30PM. Long day, and ready for more this summer.
• The mad dash to escape a smelly BART car.
• First time riding Uber which was a nice experience.
• "Lost Grandpas" series to come. (I realize now that this has two meanings...)
• I don't really remember waiting for entry.
• The search for lunch was more difficult than it should have been, but in the end we made a good decision to get those fries. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to eat fish and chips before going to an aquarium.
• Like if you bring your newborn to three or four year olds to a museum, how much do you really think they'd remember? 
• Michael is literally everywhere [literally].
• Honestly though, how do you fold a fitted sheet?
• Sunburn on my face.
• I should work on my concert venues painting series.
• Finally updated my dream journal. 

Things I'm looking forward to this week:

• Lunch/movie/hiking date with Devika on Wednesday.
• Off the Grid with Lucy on Thursday.
• MAX with Grace on Friday.
• One Republic//American Authors with family on Saturday.

It's gonna be a good one.

Let's Get Personal

The past couple weeks have put me on a pedestal only to slap me back down with the force of a tornado, and then lift me back up again.

Dead week was, to say the least, emotionally draining for me. I'm not completely sure why because I still can't rack my brain for that single reason. Sure, there were little things that bothered me, but looking back at it, I can't see how those little things could have possibly made me so bitter and so... cold.

The beginning and the middle of finals week was better. I laughed more, spent time with people more. I think I was more content. But as that week came to a close, I began to close myself off again. I don't think I wanted to spend time with people. Or maybe it was a certain person. Or maybe it was myself. Maybe I needed to spend time with people. Actually, I didn't know what I wanted. What I do know is that I cried for about an hour, but the only question I asked myself was why I was crying.

I really wish move-out day could be like a blur to me. I woke up angry and annoyed. And then I told myself, I'm going to turn this day around when I see my mom. But for some reason, I couldn't convince myself to smile. I was so disappointed in myself because I couldn't get out of my funk and it affected everyone around me. I kept beating myself up for everything that I was doing. Honestly, I just wanted to get the day over with so I could just slink into the comforting arms of my sofa at home and have Jumbo at my feet.

The moment I got home, my emotions swung to the opposite extreme. I saw my dad, my dog, and my new penny board waiting outside for me. As I was breaking in the new board, my brother came home from LA. It made me so happy to be home, for everyone to be home. It made me happy to have a home cooked meal. It made me happy to just relax for a little bit. This happiness continued through the night as we attended a family friend's wedding, where the bride's brother mentioned that his inspiration to learn calligraphy stemmed from my artwork. He hand-wrote every single wedding invitation and every single place card for the banquet. The bride's brother exhibited such a genuineness, such a sweetness, a purity, a sensitivity and such a sincerity that I really wish I could someday learn to embody. His speech for his sister was so touching, so lovely and so memorable.

And then post-wedding, during the car ride home, I silently let some tears out, making sure neither my parents nor my brother noticed. I tried to fall asleep but instead, I questioned my life, the friends I keep and the friends I've started to let go. I've been struggling with questions about relationships and friendships for a while now, and I'm not sure I know where I stand with my friends. Like, who the hell's going to be my maid of honor? I love my handful of best friends, and I used to think I had a single best friend, but I'm not even sure what that means anymore. And then I thought about whether I'm ever going to be a maid of honor or whether I'll ever be a bridesmaid. Like I really don't know. Where do I belong among my friends? Like where do I fit? Am I just the one that is always just there or do people actually notice me as one of their close friends? Am I an important piece in the center of a puzzle or am I just one of those edge pieces that don't really contribute much to the total image? I tried to convince myself that these choices are a long way ahead of me, but really, they're not. I'm 20. Weddings are going to happen within my friend circles within the next 5-10 years. These thoughts and concerns raced through my head until we pulled into the driveway.

I attempted falling asleep by trying to change my thoughts to good ones. After a while, I realized that wasn't going to happen, so I browsed the internet on my phone, and somehow ended up on some mental health sites. I took survey after survey, questionnaire after questionnaire. I thought, I've been here once before, about a year and a half ago, when I was still on my semester off. I had taken quizzes then too, and I often got scores of high possibility for depression. And this time was no different. It scared me, finding myself receiving responses with "moderate to severe symptoms of bipolar disorder" and "high chance of mood disorder." I didn't know what to do with this information. I don't know if it's because I subconsciously wanted to see these results. Did I want to have an excuse to act the way I did? Did I just want a high score because I love high scores? Was I just answering as extremely as I could so I could wallow in my self-loathing? I know this is a serious matter that should be taken seriously, but I just don't know what to do. Is it even legitimate if I only take these tests at my lowest points? And does my changed diet have to do with any of this? Does eating meat again make one on edge all the time? I guess it just takes a lot of experimenting and careful observations with and of myself. Last time, I decided that perhaps I could fix myself on my own, and I think I did alright. And that's what I'm deciding this time around as well. It's the choice I'm making, and I really hope I can make myself a better person. Honestly, I don't really know if I believe any of the tests I've taken, but what I do believe is that I'm in control of most of the things in my life. Although it's harder sometimes more than others, I know I'll always get through it. I'm too practical and too by-the-book to have it any other way.

The next day, I felt revived, as if by magic. I made my mom happy for her birthday, and I think that's all I want to do for my mom. To make her happy, to make her feel appreciated. I think that's all I every want to do for anyone - to make them happy.

I think this week was a good week. Spending a couple nights at the apartment was nice. Getting things done like an adult. And maybe spending more than an hour to get our placemats. There might be rough patches this year, but I know the good will always outweigh the bad. I hope we all know that.

The one day without internet at the apartment gave me time to list out some things I want to accomplish this summer -- and I have a lot. I'm actually really excited about all of them. Perhaps I'll put that up in another post and update it as I complete each one.

Now that I'm the happier version of myself, I can't see how I was so upset and so down the past couple of weeks. I still ask the same questions, but I'm not sad. But then again, when I was in those sad valleys, I couldn't see how I could be happy again. So honestly, I don't know what conclusions I've drawn from this blog post.

All I know is that I don't know. But then again, when do I ever?

Starting a Fire

I suppose as a college student, I've lost a part of myself that I used to dedicate hours and hours to -- discovering new things, whether it's a new hobby, a new band, a new TV show or a new YouTuber. It's nearing the end of my second year at Berkeley, and I think I'm getting back in the groove of rummaging through the internet for new forms of inspiration and entertainment.

Hobby:
A couple weeks ago, I rediscovered the idea of something I've always wanted to learn -- how to skateboard. When I was in the 6th grade, I was so fascinated by skateboards, but never got the opportunity to try it for myself. Now that I've done excessive amounts of research and created a compelling argument to convince my dad that it's a good investment, I'm excited to be ordering a penny board in the next couple of days.

Music:
Before writing this post, I spent about 2.5 hours just going on YouTube, last.fm, and Spotify looking for the next batch of artists that I want to start listening to. I think I've created a solid list of potential bands:

I really didn't know Twin Atlantic changed their sound -- I can appreciate this. What initially drew me to this band was the fact that the lead singer's accent is so thick, which is rare when people are singing. I love.

Ah, Faber Drive. I've dabbled in their discography before, but I think I'm more into them now than I was a couple years ago. They're on the same label as Marianas Trench and Hanson. (And I guess Nickelback, Nick Carter and Rebecca Black, which I guess is cool too...) #CanadaPlaylist

I've been meaning to get into Deaf Havana ever since You Me At Six announced that they would be touring with them on the North American Tour. They're like a happier version of YMAS. An alternative rock band from the UK.

illScarlett might be the most interesting band that I've picked up in this round of new music. They're a rock-reggae hybrid from Canada. I really love Canadian bands, apparently. Also, this video is weird.

And here we are with Thirty Seconds to Mars. The band that I've always told myself I would listen to since, what, 2009? When I first street teamed for them? Why do I still have like 100 of their stickers from This is War? I hope I can put them to use soon.

TV:
Starting Chicago Fire was probably one of the best decisions I've made this past week. I watched 2 seasons worth of the show in 5 days, and I hate and love myself for it. I originally started watching it because Jesse Spencer is one of the leads, and I really enjoyed his acting and character in House, and hoped it would be similar. But as I continue watching the show, it has made me more aware and more appreciative of our first responders. I'm so fascinated by the work that firefighters, paramedics and police do for us. Of course what happens in the show isn't real, but there are a lot of "real" qualities to the show. A lot of the cases in the show do happen in real life, and the strides that these firefighters make to save lives is more than real. The quick decision making. The running into fire. The burdens they carry when they can't reach everyone they hoped they could.
After finals, I really want to go back to every episode and create a drawing of each of my favorite screenshots. I'm so inspired by that show and what that show depicts. It's ironic that it took a firehouse of firefighters to start a fire in my art again.

Youtube:
If friendship is hooking your floormate on British Youtubers, then Rosemarie is definitely the best of them. Seriously though? Like every single one, I swear.

Movies:
I'm looking forward to the end of the year so I can finally catch up on movies that I've missed out on all year -- Hours, Brick Mansions, Vehicle 19, The Wolf of Wall Street, Anchorman 2, The Wolverine, The Great and Powerful Oz, The Place Beyond the Pines, Pain & Gain, Gatsby, 2 Guns, The Spectacular Now, Dallas Buyers Club, Thor, At Berkeley, Spiderman 2, Monuments Men, Neighbors, Captain America, and X-Men. And that's more than I expected that I would list. Can't wait to spend over 45 hours watching these films. Speaking of which, I haven't updated my movie spreadsheet in over 6 months.

Tidbits:

• Dogs with chrse:  

• Unfortunately I ran out of space on my phone, otherwise I would have taken SO many photos. This was the most interesting dog there: I think it's a Labrador/Bassett Hound mix. Big head and stubby legs.

• And I guess here is my final project for Art 117. This was the most fun project I did all semester, hands down. I finally did something that I was passionate about: concerts. I painted concert lights, and depending how close or far away I was from the stage, I chose a different paper size. I'm excited to make this a long term project, constantly adding after every concert I attend.

• Shows I'm looking forward to: Max Schnieder on 6/6, One Republic on 6/7, and Warped Tour on 6/21.
• Looking forward to: officially moving out of the dorms, and officially moving into the apartment. It's bittersweet, you know. It's bittersweet because I won't have Rosie all the time to conveniently watch Bob's Burgers and Youtube videos with during lunch or dinner. But I guess when we do make the effort to visit each other, it will be all the more sweeter. I won't have Avni just there... and I can't just make soap duckies alone because that's dumb. I'll see Michael even less than I do now, which is already close to zero. On the bright side, I'll have chrse.
• I'm excited to cook. I'm excited to have a kitchen. I'm excited to have a TV, a couch, a comfortable chair. I think having a single room will give me time to focus on myself.
• Time to get sentimental: I know it's unrealistic to hope that we'll be friends forever, but I really hope that this group of friends will stick together for a long time coming. I don't know what I would do without this core college group. I'm so comfortable with the idea that I can always come home to these people, and it's just so disappointing to think not all of them will be there at the apartment next year. I'm not upset about it, it's just something that's going to happen.
• I miss living by myself. That's one of the things I miss from my big China trip. Having the whole apartment to myself, making decisions for myself, not compromising with other people and not having to burden anyone with the idea of me. 
• I'm so fucking selfish to say this, but what I expected is so much different than what I got this week. Maybe I didn't do my best to express myself either, but maybe I should start lowering my expectations.
• Also, I've just added Set it Off, For the Foxes, Real Friends and Fratellis to my Spotify playlist.
• And how could I forget Space Cadet Billie. I'm so glad Anna and I decided to procrastinate the day Billie was performing on Sproul. In his short Q&A, I learned so much from him and I gained some enlightenment. He's so quotable:
• "I followed my heart and that's what got me here, that's what gave me individual credibility."
• "If you follow your head over your heart, you'll live the same thing over and over and over. Follow your heart."
• "Focus on your feet. Keep moving. No one can do it for you."
• "Put down the roots and don't worry about the branches just yet."