Lessons Learned

I have been taking a break from posting on this blog because I feel like I've been just using this as a photoblog for a while (which isn't the direction I wanted to take when I first started out). I never really know what a post is going to look like until I actually sit down and start working, so hopefully this one has a bit of substance.

When I was younger, I made New Year's Resolutions. It used to be 3 or 4 goals, then it dwindled down to 2, 1, and then I refused to list any at all. I made the realization that New Year's Resolutions are pretty ineffective in the long run. Even in the short term. It's always something that I knew to be true, but I never really considered how to remedy it. Why wait for the new year to suddenly change? The time to be a better person is now. The time to be a better you is today. That calendar could say 12/15 or 2/6 or even 8/23 [these dates don't really have any significance.. they are just numbers that are aesthetically pleasing to me when put together], but does it really matter? We're often saying hey, this is the year I'm going to eat healthy, I'm going to enjoy life more, I'm going to be more confident. But how often are we saying, I ate healthy today, I lived to the fullest today, I'm feeling more confident today? Forget about putting it off until tomorrow. If you really want changes. Do. It. Now.

Anyway, I feel like my symbolic "new year" started in the middle of November 2014. I don't think it was waking up one morning and suddenly being like "Wow I'm a new person," but it was more a slow progression of mindset and attitude, and learning from mistakes and experiences along the way. Did I notice it when it first started? Probably not, but I can see it now, and being able to see that change and positive progress in hindsight is very satisfying to say the least.

Lesson #1: Chill out, yo. [This is where the little things don't matter.]
This is probably one of my favorite lessons. Also my favorite thing to say to people now. "Dude, just chill."
"When you try your best, but you don't succeed...." Honestly? Who cares? Just try again. Don't freak out. Sure, it might take an emotional toll on you when you don't succeed the first time, but who knows? Maybe you'll learn something from that first try and apply it to the second.
Someone cut you off on the freeway? Sucks to suck, but did you get into an accident? No? Wow! That's very relieving! {And also wow, that one car is definitely what made you late for your meeting. Definitely. Like... chill.}
Someone got your order wrong at a restaurant? Seriously, who cares? People make mistakes. Accept it and move on. And don't make the other person feel bad by aggressively calling them out on it -- they probably already feel guilty!
A hole in your favorite sweater? Chiiiiiiiill. It's not your whole [hole] life.
Wet socks? Relax. Yes it's annoying, but your socks will dry and all will be right in the world again.
{insert any complaint here}? Who cares. Get over it. It's ok. You're still alive. You have so much to live for. Material items can be replaced. And if they can't? Then you have an interesting little story to go along with it. A little thing here and there can't and won't stop you from doing you. [I'm pretty sure I've used this quote before, but I love it and it is always applicable.]

["All that matters is that the people you love are happy and healthy. Everything else is just sprinkles on the sundae." - Paul Walker]

Lesson #2: Appreciate the world. [This is where the little things matter.]
Computers suck. I love them, but they suck. The internet sucks. I love it, but it really really sucks. Time, that is. Electronics suck up so much time and energy, and they even suck up all the light out of the day. However, over the past two to three months I think I've done well with weaning myself off of this lightweight addiction.
This is only the second time I've been on an actual computer since the start of 2015 (and since the start of winter break), and I love the feeling of being free during the day, not being held down by the latest posts on Facebook or the latest YouTube videos. Yes, sure, I still keep up, but not during the prime hours of the day. Facebook catchup typically in the early morning, a couple of YouTube videos right before bed, but not much in between. And what did this time in the real world give me an opportunity to do? Actually explore. Actually live. Actually do the things I've wanted to do for a long time. Actually get closer to being the person I think I want to be.
One of the best gifts I gave myself this year is my rekindled love for photography and nature. In middle school I used to take walks around the neighborhood or even in the backyard by myself (or with Jumbo) snapping sometimes very mediocre pictures of flowers, birds, rocks, the sunset, random quirky items on the ground with a DSLR that I barely knew how to use. This stopped completely for some reason, I'm not sure why, but this "new year new me" [not really a fan of this term tbh] has gotten back into it, and I love it. But this time around, I've been exploring with friends and family as well, with the convenience of a handy mobile phone with a new and improved camera. The convenience is heaven-sent; any moment could be the right moment for that perfect photo, and the camera is right at my fingertips. One of the most exciting things to do is getting as close as possible to a wild animal and taking a nice candid photo of it in its natural habitat [because having the animal pose in a staged setting is very difficult... they are such divas].

Lesson #3: Shit ain't as bad as you might make it out to be.
Seriously. Don't overanalyze. I had so many sleepless nights trying to figure out a plan that would make every single person happy, without even bringing up the topic in question. I thought of the worst case scenarios, like losing all my friends or everything just falling apart. I thought it would be okay to sacrifice my own health and well-being for the happiness of others, but that was clearly not the right path. The answer to this problem is Lesson #4.

Lesson #4: Talk about shit.
Don't keep it all to yourself. If you talk about problems or concerns with other people/other parties involved (while still early in the game) it is easier to figure out a compromise and the proper solution. And in this case, talking about my concerns helped bring other concerns to light. Not everything is 100% solved quite yet, but we're getting there.

Lesson #5: Opt to go at your own pace.
Dammit, who cares if your friend has 100 more friends than you? Who cares if your friends are in 15 different clubs, yet you are only in 2? Who cares if they're constantly going out all the time, but you're not invited to anything? If people aren't inviting you, then invite other people. Don't compare yourself to others, even if they're your closest friends. Everyone is different. Don't force anything upon yourself. But also don't be afraid to challenge yourself once in a while. Just don't overdo it. Go at your own pace.

Lesson #6: Always be open to new things.
~ This will always be in progress ~

Final Thoughts:
Lesson 1: Chill out, yo.
Lesson 2: Appreciate the world.
Lesson 3: Shit ain't that bad.
Lesson 4: Talk about shit.
Lesson 5: Opt to go at your own pace.
Lesson 6: Always be open to new things.
Lessons 1-6: C A S T O A
Cast - O - A.
Cast away.
Cast away those old habits, those old mindsets that are hindering your personal growth and exploration. Be the person that you think you want to be at this moment. Work towards it every day -- it's not going to happen overnight, but after a while when you look back, you'll be proud of the progress.

Dear Travis Garland,

Before I get into my letter, here's a quick summary of last night. There was a beautiful sunset on the way to getting sushi burritos at Sushi Secrets with Rosemarie. Actually, a lot of firsts that happened yesterday, honestly. First time making fried fish for lunch, first time making chestnuts and having them explode in the kitchen, first time getting sushi burritos, first time meeting some of Rosie's friends (who were really chill and funny; I appreciated them accepting my Travis Garland-ness).

Sushi Secrets was pretty good -- can't compare it with anything because it's a new concept to me. But overall, I enjoyed the flavors and the burrito was very balanced. It could have used maybe a little less sauce, since it was dripping everywhere.

Here was my night's outfit -- channeling some Rosie and some Travis Garland. [Pro Tip: Dress for a show depending on the artist.] This is also the first time I'm willingly posting an outfit photo... and surprise there are two. I guess I'm becoming more comfortable with my appearance, which isn't something that has come naturally to me before. 

When we got to Red House, there was a massive line out the door. Doors were supposed to open at 7:30, but we arrived at around 7:45. 8:00, 8:15, 8:30, and 8:45 passed by, but we were still in line waiting for the show, which was supposed to start at 8. At the front of the line (finally) a man checked our ID's and another man-bunned man gave us wristbands. [Spoiler: I didn't get a chance to meet Travis Garland this time, but at least I had contact with someone who had a man bun, so tonight was not a bust. I repeat, not a bust. Wow, imagine a bust of a man with a man-bun.] By the time we got in the venue, Jeremy Passion was on his last couple songs. I don't really know his music, but I can say that he is a very talented man. 

Probably if I were me maybe 3 years ago, I would have been so mad that I had to wait past the scheduled time to get into the venue and miss part of the show. Nowadays, I'm so much more relaxed about mishaps and schedule changes. I don't even get bothered when someone gets my order wrong or if a store gives me a bad product. Things happen, and I can't control it. There's no use getting upset about it. Also, I think at the time, I was just really excited about Travis Garland that I didn't really care about anything unless it got in the way of seeing him perform.

 

The crowd for this show was really chill - no pushing, no shoving, no sweating. On the whole, people were very pleasant and people were mostly shorter than average, which was good for sight-lines and for my self esteem.

Travis Garland's set was a very well-rounded performance that showcased his vocal ability and his stage presence. He performed song after song of my favorites [which only makes sense because all his songs are my favorite]. It was the perfect set, but I'm probably biased. I loved the fact that he played some of his songs back to back with no breaks, but rather, a smooth (I'm guessing rehearsed, but seemed to be improv-ed) transition. 

Although I don't think Red House's system and venue are the best, I do think that the size of the stage and the size of the room really suit Travis, at least for this moment in his career. It's a small, intimate setting and I think that added to the quality of the show. 

* steals these two very nice photos from a kara I don't know *

Tidbits:

• Let's not forget Dominique, to whom Travis chose to sing a freestyle. "Hey Dominique, what do you do?" "What do you mean?" "I mean, do you go to school? Work?" "I go to school." "What do you go to school for?" "To learn?" "I mean, what are you studying?" "High school." "Well I'm going to try to make this as not-creepy as possible. Dominique, what are your hopes, dreams and fears?" "To go to college." "..Okay, that's your hope, what are your dreams and fears?" "To have fun." "Okay your dream is to have fun - what's your fear?" "Being alone." "Yeah I can relate to that."
• Titillating conversation.
• The freestyle was really impressive though. "I'll take you to Los Angeles so you don't have to be alone anymore." [I mean, if you offered, I wouldn't say no.]
• Slightly upset and confused about the fact that there was no merch table. I was really looking forward to a poster.
• Ended the night with some chicken from Sweetheart and AHS at Rosie's.
• "But how Travis Garland are you?"
• Y'all need to calm down.
• I wouldn't call myself a fangirl, but I am a fan and a girl, and I owe a lot to this guy. I'm a grateful fan.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Let's get a little personal now.

Dear Travis Garland,
Your existence means more to me than you'll ever know. Perhaps I've attributed too many things to you - perhaps all these things already existed within myself, but you and your music just sped up the process and brought them to life.

~ As a performer, you've been a strong presence in my life.
Back in 2007, you first introduced yourself to me as a member of NLT, which soon became my new obsession. In a very short time, my 13 year old self was enamored by your singing, your dancing, your personality. Needless to say, you were quickly my "favorite." The (sometimes cheesy boy band) dancing in music videos got me very interested in dance, and I subsequently joined a hip-hop dance class for a year. The performance aspect of the band also inspired me to write and choreograph the spring program for my 8th grade class. I guess you could also say that this interest in dance carried on to affect the other videos I watched, TV shows I watched, and some activities I was involved in even in high school. Next semester I plan to get back into dance [even though I can't dance] to revive that active interest, rather than just passively consuming it.

~ As a writer, you've been a strong presence in my life.
Adding you on MySpace was just me being infatuated with every facet of NLT, but it has been the catalyst for so much in my life. You introduced me to McFly, which back then was just this quirky British boy band that had nothing on NLT. Seven years later, they still remain my favorite band, and they've helped me through so much, especially in high school -- so for that, I thank you.

Exploring your MySpace page allowed me to indulge in your poetry. Even at age 13, I was very taken by the depth of the writing, the emotion, and I related to the struggles that you wrote about: loneliness and facades.  As a direct result, I tried my hand at poetry as well, and I knew I was good at it. Words, rhymes and rhythms came to me quickly; I just knew what to put down on the paper. With your solo demos like "Your Song" and "A Thousand Goodbyes" playing softly in the background, I churned out poem after poem, compiling a small collection. This collection of poems ended up winning gold in my 8th grade Young Authors, and it got turned into a bound book of my work.

My heart broke when the band split up in my freshman year of high school.
In high school, friendships fell apart. It had been a difficult transition from middle school. Again, I turned to your poems (and McFly's music) as a source of inspiration and comfort. Poems were a new way for me to respond to challenges in my life. It was a way for me to work through struggles and find a way to rise from the darkness. Nowadays, those poems have just turned into quick blog posts, but it is writing nonetheless.

For a long time, I would occasionally go back to your MySpace page, reading and rereading the same poems over and over for inspiration -- until MySpace revamped and everything disappeared. Hopefully one day, those files can be recovered, but for now all that remains is what those poems have meant to me all these years.

~ As a musician, you've been a strong presence in my life.
Although the band didn't release a full album, I purchased every single and every music video off of iTunes, allowing you to sing me to sleep with the cover of "Silent Night." And when I say you I really mean just you -- I cut the song so I could be immersed in your tone and your vocal runs. May 3rd 2008 - my first concert (not including the Chinese concerts my parents forced me to attend). At the time, I would have called it the best day of my life. You officially introduced me to the world of concerts, and I thank you that that concert experience was an overwhelmingly positive one. This was my first time meeting you (and hopefully not the last time). Here's a picture I dug up from the depths of my MySpace page.

[good thing we both grew up]

Shortly after the concert, I found out that an acquaintance of mine also listened to NLT. We instantly connected -- she is still one of my best friends, 7 years later. Throughout those 7 years, I've followed your musical path, from NLT to the breakup, to your going solo to your covers of "Dead and Gone" and "Beautiful Nightmare" at the Fantasy Factory to your appearance on American Idol, to your EPs and your self-titled album. Through it all, I've always supported you in everything you release. You've been dependable, constantly releasing work that gets better and better, quality lyrics that I always find a way of connecting with.

November 8th 2014: Red House Studios, Walnut Creek. 
The first time seeing you perform solo.
The first time I was emotional at a show.
Your performance of "Mr. Rogers" moved me to the verge of tears.
The first time in a while that I was reminded that I'm the most important person in my life, and I need to take control of and find comfort in myself. "Mr. Rogers" really helped me to reflect on the past year, something I didn't consciously know I needed. It brought me to so many places, and that's what good music is, to me at least.

[Who the hell are you to judge me? Who are you to judge me?
Everyone has lots of ways of feeling
And all those ways of feeling are fine.
It's what we do with our feelings that matter, in this life...
I hope you're able to grow to respect whoever you are inside.]

~ As a person, you've been a strong presence in my life.
You are probably one of the best examples of never giving up. You didn't give up when song after song was leaked; you made a song in response to it. You pushed through, despite challenges, and maintained a positive attitude, fought for what you wanted to accomplish, what you wanted to stand for. In the mean time, you've created your own unique image, your own signature style and sound.

• “I strive to just be something different, a breath of fresh air. Someone who is true to the art of it, that’s all I want to be. The best compliment someone can give me is saying ‘Man, I haven’t heard something like that in a long time.’”
• “The biggest misconception about me is that I’m disposable, that I’m just a boy-band kid, come and go. But I’m a real artist, I have something to say.”

As an artist, I want to create my own voice, my own style and brand. I want someone to tell me that I'm doing something they've never seen before. I want to be a real artist. I haven't figured out what I want to say yet, but one day I'll get there.

There's a lot of information in this letter, but really all I wanted to say is thank you.

It's been 7 years since your voice first graced my ears. In that time, you've encouraged me to dance, inspired me to write, introduced me to one of my best friends and my favorite band, comforted me with your lyrics, and gave me courage to be a better person. We've come a long way together. Here's to another 7.

Sincerely,
Justine

[All this, but the question that still remains is: How do you feel knowing that you were in a Bratz movie?]

Food and Friends

Apartment life means cooking so here are some photos of that, and also here are also some photos of some cool friends:

(I swear I still write posts... this is not becoming a 100% photoblog)

But for now, here's a chicken salad:

Here's black pepper salmon over rice:

Here's banana oatmeal cookies:

 Here's lemon pepper chicken breast over rice:

Here's kimchi fried rice made by chrse and rosie:

Here's A$AP Ferg on the glade with chrse and rosie because that's definitely something I do on a regular basis:

Bok choy with shrimp:

Racha's with rosie:

i luv pumpkins:

Chicken and mozzarella raviolis topped with green onion, with a side of garlic pepper chicken breast and vegetables:

Me in action at Grace's apartment:

Grace and I cooking a single noodle to share #collegelife:

Final product:

Artichoke and Spinach Dip at Jupiter's with Katrina, Christine and Grace!

PIZZA TIME

Bobo Drinks in mason jars with these cool peeps:

Apartment life is great because for me, it's a perfect balance of being with company and being alone with my own thoughts. I have the opportunity to cook my own meals, go to the gym regularly, and paint in my room. I am able to give myself the time I need to recharge from the day's work and on top of that, I get to choose when to interact with friends -- which means when I'm with them, I can give each moment 100% and can enjoy myself fully. Finally finding this balance in my personal life has given me confidence to tackle my classes this semester, and I'm ready for the upcoming challenges.

Anyway, my friends are really great: those who have stuck by me since high school and also the ones that I've met in college. I'm extremely lucky that these friends are all so down to earth and are completely comfortable being themselves in public, no matter how embarrassing. And I'm so glad that we haven't compromised our personalities or values -- sure we've grown as people, we've gotten to experience new things while in our respective colleges, but when it gets down to it, we've stayed true to ourselves. *insert cheesy line here* I'm also really proud of everything that my friends have accomplished so far -- whether it's simple things like eating healthier, or things like becoming presidents of the clubs they're passionate about, pursuing internships that inspire their creativity, being a part of organizations that allow them to grow as writers, artists, people, or just being happy with themselves. It's great to hear about what friends are doing and what they are exploring; it encourages me to try to be a better person as well.

Also, on an unrelated note, I've been writing letters to my mom every so often and have been keeping them in a small notebook. When it's done, I plan to have it filled with my ups, my downs and lessons I've learned along the way. I will be giving it to her either when it's full or at the end of the year. I regret not starting it earlier in my college career, but now's a good a time as any. I think recently (within the past year) is when I really (and I mean really) started to seriously appreciate my relationship with my mom, and I really hope I can demonstrate it more so she can be constantly reminded that she is loved.

All these five paragraphs start with the letter A.

And I hope this means I will be getting them as my letter grades at the end of the semester. One A for each class I'm taking. 

Summer 2014 Photo Summary

I hope you enjoy these photos because I know I enjoyed taking them.

Congrats bro, you graduated:




A pizza truck on the freeway from LA tho:

Home improvement with Chicago PD:

 Kale Chips:

One Republic:

Grandma Gossip:

 

Snowflake Teahouse with the kids:

Werped Tewer:

The Asia trip starts here!

Singapore:

 Penang:

 

Kuala Lumpur:

 

Hong Kong:

Back home:

Color Me Mine:

Sushi @ Takara, Santa Cruz:

Footgolf @ Pruneridge:

Beach with Lucy:

 Happy Birthday Dad!:

Gma and the baby:

 Reunited with my other half:

Ideaband: 

First time tie-dying a large sheet:

Surprise birthday lunch for Cathy!

Back to Berk:

Yo Ed Sheeran:

Quick trip home for end of summer family hot pot with the Ongs! 

Wish summer could have been longer, but it sure was productive. I woke up this summer. I did things for me. I crossed things off my summer bucket list and created memories for me (with friends and family). And now I have the energy and the drive to dive into this new school year.

Time to be involved, to be happy and to learn to be more self confident.